Funny Facebook Status

Brighten the whole day of your friends by posting the most hilarious and funny facebook status

and tagging them in it. Share a new facebook funny greetings every day and brighten the day of

your friends and loved ones through this social network.

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Funny Messages - Very Funny Quotes - Funniest Greetings & Wishes

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Todays Relationships: You can touch each other but not each other‘s phones.

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I am sure I have a defective iphone, I keep pressing the home button and I‘m still at work.

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Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown male child who can not be handled by

his parents anymore.

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The most powerful words other than I LOVE YOU is ―Salary is Credited‖ :)

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Is there anything more awkward than when you are singing along to a song on youtube and the

music stops loading.

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Years of education, solving tough problems, handling complex issues, yet we take a while

standing before glass doors thinking whether to Push or Pull.

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Flirtationship: More than a friendship and less than a relationship.

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Running away does not help you with your problems, unless you are fat.

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In bed, it‘s 6AM you close your eyes for 5 minutes, it‘s 7:45. At school it‘s 1:30, close your eyes for 5 minutes, it‘s 1:31

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I wonder what happens when doctor‘s wife eats an apple a day. :)

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GOOGLE must be a woman because it knows everything.

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I only need 3 things in life: Food, Wifi, Sleep :)

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Boys, if you don‘t look like calvin klein models, don‘t expect us to look like victoria secrets angels. (From All Bachelor Girls Association) :)

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A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression he just cleaned the

whole house.

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When a woman says WHAT? Its not because she didn‘t hear you. She‘s giving you a chance to change what you said.

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The human brain is amazing. It functions 24 hours a day from the time we were born, and only

stops when we take exam or are in love.

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My bed is always extra comfortable when I need to get out of it in the morning.

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One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and is too stubborn to ask

for directions :)

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I always learn from mistake of others who take my advice :)

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If time does not wait for you, don‘t worry. Just remove the battery from the clock and enjoy life.

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If school has taught us anything, it‘s texting without looking :)

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I hate people who steal my ideas, before I think of them :)

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All my life I thought air is free until I bought a bag of chips.

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Try to say the letter M without your lips touching.

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Excuse me …. Plesae empty your pockets …. I think you stole my heart.

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Silence is the best answer of all questions and Smile is the best reaction in all situations.

Unfortunately both never help in VIVA & INTERVIEW.

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I used to like my neighbours, until they put a password on their Wi-Fi :)

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I love my six pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat :)

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Newton‘s law of love: Love can neither be created nor be destroyed. Only it can transfer from one girlfriend to another with some loss of money.

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Nothing moves faster than a girl untagging herself from an ugly picture :)

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The first five days after the weekend are always the toughest.

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I look at people sometimes and think ….. Really?? That‘s the sperm that won :)

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Girls are funny creatures. They hate it when you ask their age but will kill you if you forget their

birthday.

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How do people write an auto biography? I can barley remember what I had for lunch yesterday :)

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Nothing is illegal until you get caught :)

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Admit it, you listen to other strangers conversations and mentally give your opinion.

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Dear Google, thank you for doing most of my homework for me. :)

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Girls work on their looks but not their minds b‘coz they know boys are stupid, not blind.

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The definition of a beautiful girl is one who loves me :)

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I hate when people all of a sudden decide to be funny when I am drinking something :)

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Only fools fall in love and I guess I‘m one of them :)

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God made everything that has life, rest everything is made in China :)

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Friday is my second favorite F word.

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For all the girls that say ….. All guys are the same …… Who told you to try them ALL.

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Every girl deserves ONE GUY who looks at her every day like it‘s the first time he saw her. And Im that ONE GUY :)

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I think I got a fever, a fever of you :)

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I always give 100% at work: 13% Monday, 22% Tuesday, 26% Wednesday, 35% Thursday, 4%

Friday :)

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Please GOD if you can‘t make me slim, make my friends fat.

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For you men who think a woman‘s place is in the kitchen, remember thats where the knives are kept. :)

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I hate when I am about to hug someone really sexy and my face hits the mirror.

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If a single teacher can‘t teach all the subjects then how could you expect a single student to learn all subjects.

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Its better to fail than to cheat but its better to cheat than to repeat.

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Most emotional moment in a boys life, When a girl says, Can you give me your number :D

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Dear Google, Please stop behaving like a GIRL. Will u please allow me to complete the whole

sentence before you start guessing & suggesting.

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Definition of human being: a creature that cuts trees, makes paper & write ―SAVE TREES‖ on the same paper.

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Thanks to Google, Wikipedia, and whoever the hell invented copy and paste. Thank you Guys.

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I don‘t believe that love comes to those who wait. Today love comes to those who flirt. LOLz

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Dear Food, Either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat :)

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It‘s funny how people judge other‘s mistakes while they also do the same thing.

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I always learn from mistakes of others, who took my advice :)

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The question I have not been able to answer is ―What… does a woman want?‖

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Boys will be boys as long as there are no girls in the picture.

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If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it was meant to be. If it does not, hunt it down

& kill it.

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Dear MATH, stop asking to find your X, she‘s not coming back.

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People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.

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You know what? Your eyes are the same color as my Porsche.

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You actually have friends? Yeah bro, all 10 seasons on DVD.

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Marriage is like going to a restaurant and order your choice from the menu, And then look at

neighbouring table n wish you‖d ordered that.

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Quit your job, buy a ticket, get a train, fall in love and never return.

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My name is I. My problem is love. My solution is you.

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If you wish to avoid seeing a fool, you must break your mirror :D

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The only difference between me and a madman is that I‘m not mad.

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Caution, Blind Man Driving.

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Milk does the body good but DAMN how much did you drink?

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If life gives you questions, Google gives you answers.

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The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.

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Boys think of girls like books; if the cover doesn‘t catch their eyes, they won‘t even bother to read what‘s inside.

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I feel like a Indiana Jones, because you are the treasure I am looking for.

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Money can‘t buy happiness, but it pays for internet, which is pretty much the same thing.

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I hate when I‘m about to hug someone really sexy and then my face hits the mirror.

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I speak two languages, Body and English.

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How can i miss something i never had?

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BRB = I don‘t want to talk to you. LOL = I have nothing else to say. Cool = I don‘t care.

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If life gives you lemons, just add vodka.

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I‘d like to thank the internet, Google, Wikipedia, Microsoft Word, and Copy & Paste :)

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I think my iPhone is broken. I pressed the home button and i‘m still at school.

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Kiss me and you will see how important I am.

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If you can‘t find the key to success, pick the lock.

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Forget love, I‘d rather fall in chocolate.

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Everything I like is either Illegal, Immoral, Fattening, Addictive, Expensive, or Impossible.

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One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.

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I know that somewhere in the Universe exists my perfect soulmate … but looking for her is much more difficult than just staying at home and ordering another pizza.

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Teacher: Who can explain gender discrimination with an example? Student: Women can sleep

with whoever they want ,men have to sleep with whoever lets them!

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Do you know the meaning og ABCDEF? A boy can do everything for Girl. Reverse the meaning

of, GFEDCBA … Girl forget everything done & Catches new boy Again.

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Never make the same mistake twice, There are so many new ones, Try a different one each day.

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There are alot of fish in the sea, but I think there‘s a hole in my net :)

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Want to learn how to dance? Have a cold shower today at midnight, I bet, You‘ll rock like SHAKIRA :)

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If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you

will have a flat tire.

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The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

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Married men should forget their mistakes. There is no need for two people, to remember the

same thing.

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If money grew on trees – girls wouldn‘t mind dating monkeys.

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The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.

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I‘m not weird, I‘m a limited edition.

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An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if doctor is cute, forget the fruit.

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Why is abbreviation such a long word?

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Do you know what‘d look good on you? Me :)

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When I‘m on my death bed, I want my final words to be ―I left one million dollars in the…

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FACEBOOK STORY: Add as friend – Approve -> Write something on wall -Intro – Everyday chatting – Ask number phone – Messaging – Calling – Meeting – Express love – Make relationship status – Hangout – Misunderstanding – Fight – Break up – Unfriend – Block :( THE END

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Do you realize that in about 40 years, we‘ll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?

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Love is 1 drink and 2 straws. Marriage is ―Don‘t you think you‘ve had enough!‖.

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Opportunity knocks for every man, but you have to give a woman a ring.

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Im a math teacher. One plus two equals me and you

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Excuse me is your last name Gillette? …because you are the best a man can get!

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When I was born I was so surprised I didn‘t talk for a year and a half.

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The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.

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You look like a cool glass of refreshing water, and I am the thirstiest man in the world.

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The police are on the way to arrest you for stealing my heart, hijacking my feelings, and driving

me crazy.

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If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.

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Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually

another woman.

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Do you have the time? ………………… O No, the time to write down my number? :)

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I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried – but they wanted cash.

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The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see

better than he can think.

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Hi, Im Mr Right. Someone said you were looking for me.

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While waiting for the right person, have fun with the wrong one.

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Lovely days in my life : Childhood Days, School Days & collage Days, Horrible days in my life

: ONLY EXAM DAYS :)

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Girls fall in love with what they hear. Boys fall in love with what they see. That‘s why girls wear make up and boys lie.

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My girlfriend asked if I would swim across the ocean for her, and I said It‘s freaking, I‘ll rent a boat…..

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If couples who are in love are called LOVE BIRDS, then couples who always argue should be

called ANGRY BIRDS

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Most mothers feed their babies with little spoons and forks. What do Chinese mothers use?

Toothpicks?

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I have a Date tonight, Woot Woot! (of course its with the couch, pillow and TV Remote, but its

still a date. Right?)

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It‘s Christmas and 2011 is coming closer to an end! what‘s the funniest thing you remember me doing this year??

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Sorry, I can‘t hangout. My uncle‘s cousin‘s sister in law‘s best friend‘s insurance agent‘s roommate‘s pet goldfish died. Maybe next time..

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C.L.A.S.S – Come Late And Start Sleeping

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Young love is two hearts with only one thing in mind.

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A man typed in search box on Google : ―What do women want?‖. Google Replied : ―We are also searching…‖

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I‘ll be a billionaire once I‘m done inventing this device that lets you punch people in the face over the Internet.

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If you stop telling lies about me, I‘ll stop telling the truth about you.

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The hardest job facing kids today is to learn good manners without seeing any.

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Okay mom…you know I love you…but I can‘t accept your friend request on Facebook.

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I wish I could google ―things to eat in my fridge‖ so I wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed.

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Remember, when she cancels a date she has to But when he cancels a date he has TWO.

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A man asks a trainer in the gym: I want 2 impress that beautiful girl , which machine can I use?

Trainer replies: Use the ATM

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Facebook is the only place where it‘s acceptable to write on a wall.

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Harush says if you want to be together you have TO-GET-HER.

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I‘m a smart person, I just do stupid things.

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Thinks I feel great when I go to bed drunk. I wake up feeling crap. Obviously sleep is bad for

you.

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I don‘t get it, all my life I was told NOT to write on walls.

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Behave, What you do today will be on Facebook tomorrow.

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Some relationships are like tom and Jerry, they irritate each other, they tease each other, but they

still can‘t live without each other..

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Growing older is compulsory Growing up, however, remains optional.

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The best way to look younger, hang out with older people.

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I‘m usually charming, nice, and well manured, OK for those who really know me you can laugh now..

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If you like me press like. If you hate me, go away. If you love me comment.

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Don‘t you hate when the person you‘re Facebook talking never updates anything.

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Women only need 3.5 inches to achieve maximum pleasure, it‘s called a credit card.

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I need 6months vacation, twice a year..

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I am going to start cleaning my house. And by cleaning, i mean drinking beer and spraying

everything with febreze.

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That awkward moment when you keep talking & you don`t realize your friend walked away.

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Never make the same mistake twice, there are so many new ones, try a different one each day.

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Some people are such treasures that you really just wanna bury them.

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I am not feeling lazy actually, I am just incredibly motivated to do nothing..

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You and your rumors have two things in common, you‘re both fake and you both get around.

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If life give you lemons, squirt your enemy‘s eye..

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Well, We have a poke button, now we need a punch and pinch and kick button..

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Facebook is a crazy house People poke each other all day have an imaginary pet farm and talk to

walls

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I don‘t have issues, I have demonds and they are the ones with issues

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I‘m the person that the more you complain about me, the harder I‘ll try to annoy you.

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Sometimes the only one who can appreciate you, is you.

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I‘m not getting older, I‘m just becoming a classic..

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I‘m not 40, I‘m eighteen with 22 years experience…

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I may be old enough to know better, but I am STILL young enough to DO IT..

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If you are reading this, congrats you know how to read..

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When you‘re good, you‘re good, when you‘re awesome you‘re me..

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Thinks if Peter Piper picked peppers and Jack and Jill ran up the hill and Mary took her lamb to

school, wasn‘t Humpty Dumpty lazy just sitting on a wall?

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The zoo is a pretty safe place to fart.

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I bet that in prison everyone‘s FB relationship status is set to it‘s complicated.

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I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about

their motives.

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Facebook is like a fridge. When you‘re bored you keep opening and closing it every few minutes to see if there‘s anything good in it.

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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

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When we are bored we get on Facebook, then we get bored on Facebook so we get off then 15

min later back on. its an endless cycle..

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My life, My choices, My mistakes, My lessons, Not your business.

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There are no stupid questions, just stupid people..

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That awkward moment when somebody is doing dishes and you slowly put another dish in the

sink.

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Doctors finally figured out what‘s wrong with a boys brain; on the left side, there‘s nothing right; and on the right side, there‘s nothing left…

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Never make the same mistake twice, There are so many new ones, Try a different one each day.

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Don‘t steal, don‘t lie, don‘t cheat, don‘t sell drugs. The government hates competition..

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Tip to reduce weight, first turn your head to the left and then turn it to the right. Repeat this

exercise every time you are offered something to eat.

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Your eye is the only part you can not wash with soap.

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One day, I‘m gonna make the onions cry..

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If Facebook is the Upper West Side and MySpace is the Bronx, then Tagged is a trailer park in

New Jersey.

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You can not get lost on a straight road.

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When I was born I was so surprised, I didnt talk for a year and a half..

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I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about

their motives.

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Facebook is the only place where it‘s acceptable to talk to a wall.

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Life is too short, smile while you still have teeth..

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Do you know the difference between a lady and a woman? A lady does what she‘s told and a woman does what she dam well pleases!

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I like kids, but I don‘t think I could eat a whole one.

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Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

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Where there is a will, there are 100 relatives.

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Doing the moonwalk is the only way to look cool while wiping dog crap off your shoes.

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Before talking; Please connect the tongue to the brain!

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If swimming is an exerciser explain whales to me.

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I`m jealous of my parents, i`ll never have a kid as cool as theirs…

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Before talking, Please connect the tongue to the brain…

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If swimming is an exerciser explain whales to me.

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Can I take your picture?? I love to collect pictures of natural disasters..

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I have finally figured out why I can‘t lose this extra weight. The shampoo I use in the shower that runs down my body says, ―for extra volume and body.‖

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Even if you live your life as a open book, people will still wonder which pages have secret

messages.

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For every girl without a guy, there`s a guy without a girl.

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Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it.

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I follow the quote, ―Always be true to yourself‖ because I only lie to others!

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You`re beautiful until your Photoshop 30 day trial has gone.

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The awkward moment when you know you shouldn`t laugh, but you do..

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I am a star, so when you see me, make a wish.

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I posted on your wall. No, not Facebook, look at the side of your house.

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That awkward moment, when you wake up with one sock on.

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Money doesn`t bring happiness, but shopping does..

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I`m not single. I`m in a long standing relationship with fun and freedom.

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Don`t you know it`s rude to talk while I`m interrupting?

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Girls And Boys FB Status

Tired of searching girls and boys status on internet? Now don‘t search on other sites we have wide range of girls quotes here.

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